Not enough jerks in your life? The come on down to the Jerk Store where we never run out of the jerks you need!
We here at the Jerk Store are sympathetic to the strains and stresses that the economy has put on you and your family. Especially to you folks in South Carolina. You guys have the second highest unemployment rate in the country coming in at 10.4%. Man, that’s a lot of people. I’m sure you could use some extra unemployment benefits to spend on things like mortgage or rent, utilities, and food. It’s you guys who put those benefits right back into the system, helping the economy, don’t you? It’s good to know that you have that cushion while you look for another job. True, it’s never enough to save, but we here at the Jerk Store know that extra cash might just make the difference between staying in your home and moving to Bushville.
Lucky for the Jerk Store, Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) is here to ruin your day! He says he doesn’t want the stimulus money that would go towards helping the good, unemployed citizens of South Carolina. He does say that he would rather take the money to pay off debts, which, as all of us with debt know, isn’t the same as spending and therefore, DOESN’T HELP THE ECONOMY! On top of that, this figment of genius compared the stimulus plan to the situation in Zimbabwe, which caused a bit of a dust-up with some members of the South Carolina legislature.
Lucky for the good, unemployed citizens of the state of South Carolina, your state legislature will gladly accept the funds and use them as they were originally intended.
To the good people of South Carolina, the Jerk Store implores you to remember this come election time and vote this jerk out of office! In the meantime, the Jerk Store will be right here moving truckloads of jerks at bargain basement prices!