Jerk Store! Jerk Store! They’re all over town! Jerk Store! Jerk Store! Biggest Jerks Around!
Hi, Folks! Welcome to the Jerk Store, home of the biggest jerks around. You know, if it weren’t for these Republican governors turning down stimulus money, the Jerk Store would be feeling the recession pinch, just like the rest of you. Lucky for us, there’s more than enough jerks to go around. I’m not bragging when I say, we’re flush!
This week, we’ve got a fresh shipment of Texas Governor Rick Perry. Instead of helping the people of his state, Gov. Perry, like Jerk Store favorites Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina before him, would rather play politics. According to NPR, Gov. Perry is rejecting “$555 million in unemployment insurance” which would “increase the number of of people eligible for benefits.” Gov. Perry says,
This is an expansion of the [unemployment] program. This administration wants to force the state of Texas and other states with this stimulus money to change our practices, change our habits, change the way that we govern. And on this unemployment-insurance side, the message is very clear: Thank you, but no thank you.
You tell ‘em partner! Ain’t nobody gonna tell Texas how Texas is gonna do things, dag nab it!
Meanwhile, according to the report, “100,000 Texans lost their jobs in the first two months of the year. State businesses could have their unemployment taxes doubled to meet the demand. So reject the stimulus money, and businesses pay now. Take it, and businesses pay later when the money runs out.” In other words, the unemployed don’t get any help because you’re proud and small businesses pick up the slack because you’re dumb. The slack would have been delayed, but that would have gone against your jerk ass, proud principles, wouldn’t it, Governor.
Well, this Jerk Store owner says, go right on ahead and pride yourself right out of a job, Gov. Perry! As famous former Texas Governor once said, You’re doing a heckuva job!