Thursday, May 14, 2009

Not Scared Enough? Play “Republican Mad Libs”

Word up to the Daily Kos and Bill from Portland Maine who brings this fun way to scare the shit out of somebody.  It’s Republican Mad Libs!

No doubt about it---the GOP knows how to scream "Danger!!!" better than anyone. But how do they do it so effectively? It's simple, really, and you, too, can convince people they should be scared of their own shadow. Just pick a phrase from List A, another from List B, and one from List C. Here...try it:

List A
A public option in health care reform
Curbing CO2 emissions
Gay marriage
Public funding of stem cell research
Immigration reform that doesn’t include mass deportations
Talking with our adversaries
Releasing the report/study/memo/photos
Restoring Clinton-era tax rates on multi-millionaires
Enacting tighter regulations in the financial sector
Investigating "enhanced interrogation techniques"
Closing down offshore tax loopholes
Actually listening to ordinary Americans
Anything President Obama does

will...

List B
Tear at the fabric of
Have a chilling effect on
Ignite a firestorm of woe upon
Erode the foundation of
Wreak incalculable havoc on
Lead us down a dark and dangerous path toward destroying
Lead us down a slippery slope on the way to bankrupting
Plunge a dagger into the very heart of
Unleash destruction on
Tear a giant hole in
Break the back of
Have devastating consequences on
Forever doom

List C
Our society
This great nation
Our national security
The family structure
Small businesses
Democracy as we know it
Our children!
Our children's children!
Our children's children's children! (etc.)
The Judeo Christian values on which this country was founded
The Homeland/Fatherland/Motherland
Everything we hold sacred
Our ability to prevent the socialists from taking over
Our vital institutions
My chances of getting re-elected

And, if you're feeling frisky, you can add a rhetorical flourish:

List D
Just wait---you'll see! And then you'll come crawling back to me!
I weep for my country!
My people don't want to secede from the U.S., but...we may have no choice.
This is the worst thing that's happened in the history of the world!
It's time to start stocking up on food and water. And gunnnnns.
Gosh darn it!

See? It's easy! And with a little practice you, too, can put yourself on a dark and dangerous slippery slope of woe as a Republican doomsayer. Not sure why you'd want to, but it's always nice to have options.

Yes, it is easy!  All you need is a dunderhead who is dumb enough to believe it and Presto!  Anybody got an extra Depends?  I think I just pooped myself out of fear.

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