Friday, December 4, 2009

Democrats Join Coburn Amendment, Foiling Dastardly Deed

Oklahoma Republican Senator Tom Coburn sat in his darkened study, surrounded by rich mahogany walls and many leather bound books, drumming his fingertips together as he contemplated his masterstroke. “I must stop this disastrous health care bill,” he thought. After many hours, genius strikes him like lightening! “I know! Ha Ha! I will introduce an amendment that will force the members of congress to enroll in this terrible public option! Certainly they will never want to sign up for this substandard plan when they already have the best public plan taxpayers can buy!” He then leaned back in his large leather chair and started a slow giggle, which quickly evolved into a fit of evil hysteria.

The next day, Senator Coburn took his fiendish plan to the halls of the Senate, quite certain that no Senator in his right mind would be willing to sign up for the public option. “If it’s not good enough for you,” he proclaimed, “how is it good enough for the American people?”

It was then that three Senators from the other side of the aisle stepped forward and voiced their support. Democrats, brave enough to accept Coburn’s challenge and sign on to his plan!

Three Senate Democrats on Friday embraced an amendment by Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., a fierce opponent of a public option, to force all lawmakers to enroll in any government-controlled plan that is passed.

"Sen. Coburn is to be commended for his commitment to the public option," Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., said, with more than a drip of sarcasm. Dodd, along with Democratic Sens. Sherrod Brown of Ohio and Barbara Mikulski of Maryland, joined Republican Sens. David Vitter of Louisiana, Richard Burr of North Carolina and Orrin Hatch of Utah in publicly supporting the amendment.

"Seventeen years ago, when I first ran for Congress, I promised I'd pay my own health insurance until Congress passed health insurance for everyone," Brown said. "I've paid it out of my pocket since then. I look forward with great eagerness to join the public option as soon as it's available."

“Ah! Ugh!” exasperated Coburn, as he grabbed his chest, falling backwards. “It wasn’t supposed to work this way!” As he ran out of the Senate chambers, he could be seen shaking his fist and yelling “I’ll get you! I’ll get all of you! You’ve not heard the last of me, for I am Coburn of Oklahoma!”

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